The+reason+the+Lord+created+women

Nobody sees just how good they have it. Anse and Addie definitely didn't marry out of love, but they could have made something out of their situation. Addie could have chosen not to marry Anse, but she did choose him, and she had to live with it. Maybe it was a mistake, but that was what she chose, and instead of making the best of it, she decided to be miserable. They both fed off each other's misery instead of trying to make it better. On page 71 Cora says, "the reason the Lord created women is because man don't know his own good when he sees it." The thing is though that neither of them saw their own good, neither tried to show each other that they had it better than they thought, and neither did anything to change it. It almost seems like they didn't want to be happy. Why did they brew in their unhappiness instead of taking control? Was it because they were too lazy? Or was there no chance whatsoever for their happiness? 1203908980

I think that they were both very proud individuals. Neither one wanted to admit that there was something wrong, that might put blame on themselves. This marraige reminds me a little of Old Jack's marraige (in __Memory of Old Jack).__ Both are unhappy marraiges that the characters seem to be stuck in. One spouse then cheats on the other, only in this book Anse doesn't find out (right?). It seems like they just got stuck in a rut. Neither one cares about the marraige enought to pull themselves out and make it better, it's just easier to let things be. But the more they "let them be" the worse it gets. It probably could have been tolerable for them, but I don't think either one cared enough to make it work. 1203995355

adi, Memory of Old Jack was the first thing that came to my mind when I read this post! It seemed so similar in the ways that both couples decided to just "get married." They really did not think beyond the actual marriage. I want to believe that Addie was smarter than Anse. "Man don't know his own good when he sees it." It just seems to me that Addie believes it is the woman's job to show the men their own good. I'm just trying to imagine what the man's actual "good" is? Is it just making them feel good about themselves and making them feel superior? Making them feel like the man that they are supposed to be? I'm still confused on what the actual "good" is. And I like what adi said about how neither person in the couple really cared enough to make the relationship work. In the beginning they thought the relationship would just take it's own course. Little did they know that they had to help it along. 1204000956

I think at one point two people can grow to dislike each other so much that living in harmony becomes near impossible. Addie and Anse were very different and did not understand each other. Also, Anse was always selfish which leaves little room for compromise and happiness. It's not that they didn't want to be happy, Anse and Addie just could not figure out how to and didn't try because they knew it wasn't possible. Further, I wonder if Addie even had a choice on who to marry because it didn't really seem like she did. As for the quote, I think that this was part of their problem. Addie was unwilling to fullfill a wife's duties. In a marriage, the woman is supposed to help and support the husband, but it seems like Addie was just dwelling on his imperfections. However, Anse didn't really have a lot of good in him so it was probably difficult for her to find any in him. 1204142340

I almost felt like Addie and Anse's marriage was a competition. Addie's chapter even splits up the children as either Anse's or Addie's. Plus, Addie is still trying to one-up him after her death. I don't think that's how a marriage should be. However, I don't think Addie had much choice. We don't learn much about their engagement or even how Addie and Anse met. I think that it is safe to assume that in this setting (eary 19teens and a very rural area) woman were expected to get married and give their husbands children. This view is prevalent in Addie's chapter isn't it? Assuming that, Addie didn't have much choice. She was expected to get married, and why not Anse? Granted, we know that Anse isn't the best man, but we've seem how he can control people and make them work for him. Perhaps he had a similar connection with Addie's father, or even Addie at the beginning of their courtship. That could have been the cause of her utter resentment of him. 1204150754

Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever why these two people would choose to marry one another. From what I can tell, they were miserable with each other from the beginning. I mean, Addie was willing to cheat on Anse after having two children with him, so I doubt they were very pleased with one another. I don't know if I necessarily agree with KHo when she says that their marriage was a competition. I think the "splitting up" of the children was meant to indicate which children were rightfully Anse's, and which children were illegitimate entirely, not which ones were Anse's or Addie's. I'm not entirely certain that either one of them could've made the situation any better. Judging from their characters, Anse would've been too lazy to do anything at all, and Addie would've been too stubborn. A match made in hell, I guess. 1204163691

MRo, I agree. To change the situation and make their marriage better would have required work, and Anse was not obviously up for any work. And Addie was pretty much a brat about the whole thing, in my opinion. She was so stubborn, like you said! She could have put forth a little effort, instead of claiming that her first child disrupted her loneliness. She hated Anse before he really gave her any reason to hate him. And then he was lazy and she had reason to be angry. Vicious cycle. I don't think it was really a competition though, in the sense that Kho said. But maybe in that stubborn sense, as in "I'm not the one who's going to be nice first". 1204171176

Going back to the original quote that you brought up, LDo, it makes me think of the show, "Everybody Loves Raymond." I don't know how many of you watch it, but you learn a lot about life and family from them and their little quirky habits and mistakes, especially about marriage. Raymond usually speaks his mind, only to find himself in trouble and then ends up taking it back, so that his wife, Debra is happy. Any happily maried man will tell you it's better to not argue with a woman and just tell her she's right, because it's not worth the fighting. It's kind of funny if you think about it, and sometimes you hear adults joke about it. This quote actually makes me think of that. How women usually tell men in relationships what they want, not in a controlling way, but in such a way that women try to help men who have a hard time grasping the idea of how relationships are supposed to go. Or it's like when you hear comedians talk about how in a family it's all about how the guy thinks he's in charge, but really it's the woman making all the decisions letting the guy believe it's all him. If I look at Cora's quote, I'm not so sure Addie proved to do her job and fill her role. Husbands and wives are supposed to point out the good in each other and be a reminder of the happiness in their lives. It's about teamwork. It cannot be one-sided; there must be some give and some take from both parties. Addie and Anse's marriage was certainly not a model for this. 1204260130