Was+Addie+a+Good+Mother?

The question was brought up in class today whether Addie was good mother or not. We don't really even see her acting as mother, only in bed dying. I am inclined to say she was a poor mother. First, she used her kids as bargaining chips. She didn't want to have more kids after Cash and Darl, but Anse did. Then she had Jewel by another man and tried to "repay the debt" with children. I think she totally missed the idea of motherhood. Children are not some possesion that can be used same as money. Another reason I don't think she was a good mother was when she was dying her sons didn't stay. They knew she was dying and would be dead by the time they got back. But they left anyway, for $3. I know three dollars was worth a lot back then, but generally speaking a mother should be worth more. It's your last chance to be with her. I think them leaving was sign that she wasn't a very good mother. And finally, Vardaman was a small child when Addie died, but never did he mention missing her. You would think a small child would want their "mommy" especially when they have a father like Anse. Never did I get the impression that Vardaman was sad over her death, just confused. Actually, none of the characters seemed exactly torn up that they lost their mom. Even DeweyDell the only other girl in the house was more concerned with her abortion. Does anyone else have any ideas/clues as to what kind of a mother Addie was? 1203996529

I'm going to have to agree with you on this one; Addie was a pathetic excuse for a mother. Harsh words, I know, but I really cannot stand her ( I know, I know, Gass says that we should not get attached to any character, but he's a windbag). In her chapter she is resentful of her children and Anse because they violated her supposed sacred loneliness, but to be completely honest that was her own fault. She did not have to marry a random guy that happened to walk into town (anse). She could have opted not to have kids, but instead she allowed Anse to pretty much treat her as a baby factory until he feels that the "chapping" is done. And then she has an affair with Whitfield to get back at him. It almost as though she took her definition of words to an extreme, saying that she did not want to be with Anse was unnecessary because she had truly felt it, and did not need to express it through words since they are inadequate, so instead she has a revenge child. I think the reason that she does seemed to be really missed by anyone is because if her chapter is any indication of what she was like alive, she was most likely a very cold mother, who showed little to no affection to her children, and seemingly imbued them with no morals because of how they act in the story.1203999221

Oh, Addie was definitely a terrible mother. From the very beginning, when she is lying there, being miserable in general, it is clear that she never was one to be much of a mother figure. (In fact, the only clue that I ever found that might suggest that she was a good wife or mother was Cora's mention that she was an amazing baker.) Even when she just lay there to die, she caused tension among her children--Cash wanted to build her coffin right outside the window, and Dewey Dell was constantly fanning her, but Jewel hated them both for it. Addie was a cruel woman and was never cut out to be a mother.

However, I don't know if we can say that Vardaman wasn't sad. Because I got the distinct impression that the loss affected Vardaman, and that he was concerned about his dead mother. He drilled holes into her coffin because he didn't want her to suffocate, and at one point he said that his mother could not possibly be in the coffin because his mother did not smell like that. I don't think that Addie was any better of a mother to Vardaman, but I think that Vardaman was attached to her simply because she was, biologically, his mother, and he was still too young to deal with the loss of a mother. 1203999732

I can understand all of you ideas about how Addie is a terrible mother. But I just feel that we are being a tad bit harsh. I know that the story does not show great evidence that she was "mother of the year", but certain things that her children did just made me rethink how terrible a mother Addie really was. Cash was building Addie's coffin right outside her window. He was doing this for his mother, as a favor. He wanted everything to be perfect for her. He wanted everything to her liking. If he didn't care for his mother at all, he would have had someone else do it. Addie must have treated him with the love a child deserves in order for him to do this for her. Jewel protected his mother's coffin. He wanted to make sure nothing happened to her dead body. He needed her to be buried properly. He must have known that she loved him. Those are just two examples I could think of to justify that Addie is not the most terrible mother. Yes, I understand perfectly that Addie was a terrible mother for having two of her children just to negate Jewel's birth. That is pretty dispicable. But we cannot truly say that Addie was all bad, we did not see her before she started dying. 1204001503

Addie Bundren is the kind of woman who first off never should have gotten married, especially to Anse, and never should have had children. She was simply the kind of person who was better off living life by herself, and she just didn't seem to care enough about the kids to raise them properly as a good mother. I got the impression from her chapter where she talked about having the kids that she was having them because Anse wanted her to have kids, but she didn't particularly want them. This again brings out this idea of Anse the manipulator because Addie clearly was not all that interested in having kids, but he got her to have multiple kids albeit occasionally from affairs. Somehow it seems Anse just gets inside people's heads and gets them to do what he wants which in this case meant having kids so that he wouldn't have to work. Still, Addie just never should have had kids. In her chapter, I got the vibe of her viewing her kids as similar to people that you might walk by on the street in town in that there seemed to be little to no emotional connection. In a way, she perfectly fits into this Bundren family because just like her husband and kids, she just sort of goes through the paces and does what has to be done whether she likes it or not.1204044371

As I think has been mentioned before, Addie Bundren said in her own words how she cheated on her husband, had illigitimate children, hated her family, and played favorites. But to put the final nail in the coffin for how we can see that Addie Bundren was not a good mother, we just have to look at her children. They are messed up- messed up to the point where they could not possibly have had any one that loved them in that family, or they would have turned out at least a little better. Cash is a complete doormat, without any concern for his own feelings or even his own safety. Darl was in the process of going crazy through the entire book. Dewey Dell and Jewel both had a violent rage flowing through them towards anyone, whether they were part of the family or just nice strangers. And as was mentioned before, Vardamin did not say once "I miss my mom." She was not loved by her own kin. We can only assume that she did not love them in any way back. Bad Mommy...1204045913

hey girl hey down kitty. addie was not a bad mother. step into her shoes please. she was in a loveless marriage. her husband wanted nothing form her except children. she gave him children and the pronounced him dead to her. but she never pronounced the children dead to her. she was a private woman. she was lonely, but she probably didnt have the strength to snap out of this sadness depression because she was in a situation she couldnt get out of. she did try with that affair but she is a moral woman or else she wouldnt have tried to justify this affair. she justified it the only way she knew how. JTu-c

oh i forgot what else i was going to say... here it is... her husband only wanted children from her and so she gave him two more, not just one to cancel out the wrong she did, but two. she had morals, her morals where just twisted to make her seem mad. another thing people are bashing her for, her children didnt hate her and they were not that messed up. think of things going on today. britney spears is from the south and we know her mama was a bad mama, but britney is so much more screwed up than any of addie's kids. cash wanted addie to have her own coffin made by someone from her own family. jewel saved her from the fire. cash and others saved her from the raging river. she could not have been so unloving that her family is still trying so hard to keep her dead body safe and put her in the place she wants to be in. dewey is more worried about her abortion becuase she has no money, no husband, no way of taking care of baby, and even worse social status for being a permiscuous girl. pity them. they need it. JTu-c

I don't know if Addie had the right to be called a mother at all, not because she seemed to be neglectful toward her husband and children, but because she was somewhat forced into the marriage. I think that Anse made a bad decision when he decided to ask her to marry him after only nine days. But after they got married, things only got worse. She committed adultery, and she stated that she felt she had to give Anse children because he told her to. This seems a little harsh, but how can you love something you were forced to do? Although she can ride on that ticket for a while, I still think that she wasn't a mother I'd want. She did favor one child, and she wasn't a great influence on the rest of the family. Toward the beginning, I got the feeling that she was the woman who did anything and everything for everyone else, but once we came to her chapter, which was a turning point for me, I was quite surprised to read what she had admitted. What do you think?1204069130

It is true that Addie wasn't the best mother and that she wasn't bursting with love for her husband. In looking at why this is true I think it is important to look at it from her point of view more than at how others viewed her. In Addie's chapter, she makes it clear that she only had children because she felt that it was her duty and that she owed it to Anse. With this in mind, how can we expect her to be a good mother? I am sure that we all know someone who only does their school work because they feel like they have to and that they owe it to their parents. We all probably feel like this every once in a while. I think that this is how Addie felt all the time about her family. She did what she was supposed to do and nothing more. She had the natural connection that comes with being a mother and a wife, but that is about it. She is missing the passion that most people have for those that they love. We know that she must have had some connection with her children by the way they follow her wishes and guard her body with their lives.

She never did anything wrong to hurt her children or her husband, but she didn't go the extra mile to be there for them either. She never complained about her situation and she stuck with it. You have to give her something for that. She was by definition a mother. She followed the rules and fulfilled the requirements. We just don't see her as a good mother because she didn't do anything beyond that to give her any exceptional motherly qualities.1204070626

Ok, I'm actually really glad someone brought this up, because I was tempted to mention it but I didn't want to sound like a terrible person. Addie was AWFUL. I mean, it's hard to blame her, considering that her husband wasn't exactly the greatest catch and her children didn't actually care enough about her to stick around while she was laying in bed dying, but nonetheless, even when she didn't know she was dying, she was horrendous. I know all of the points have been brought up: adultery, favoring one of her children over all the others, calling her kids some terrible names, etc...but I just wanted to back everyone up. I mean, I wanted to give her some credit when I first started reading the book, because they hadn't mentioned anything about how terrible she was, so we were all sitting around for a while thinking that she was this unfortunate woman stuck in a family of terrible people, but I feel a bit better knowing that she was quite awful herself. 1204071763

I agree with MRo. Addie was a horrible mother, just awful. She viewed her children more as possessions or objects that she crafted than actual human beings. Whenever she talked about her children, she only used them as extensions as herself, something that came off as extremely egotistical. She didn't like most of her family, and she certainly didn't love any of them, even Jewel. She forced her family to drag her dead body on a arduous trip to Jefferson for no real reason other than because she wanted to be. She openly dislikes some of her children, and really does not care about any of them. She is only focused on herself and on imposing her memory onto others; she has no empathy. I originally felt bad for her because of her horrible husband and dysfunctional family; however, I soon came to realize that Addie was the root cause of much of this dysfuntionality because of her neglectful and uncaring nature. She deserved her early death in the book and the irreverence that her family showed her body because it reflected the irreverence she showed towards them in life. 1204081038

I agree as well. Addie was a horrible mother. First of all, she treated her children as objects, not people. Then she favored some over others. And she hated her family. You know, traditionally speaking, you can say no when a guy proposes. Why did she say yes to Anse? To prepare herself for death? I know if I lived with the Bundrens I would die a little on the inside every day. She had an affair with THE MINISTER. That is wrong on so many levels. Addie was not making a living with the Bundrens. She was having a dying. She was an awful mother because she just wanted to prepare for death. She was unconcerned with her family as a whole.

Addie deserves no sympathy. So what if she was in a loveless marriage? It wasn't just Anse's fault. It was hers too. She HATED him.

The thing is, Addie complements the dysfunctional family. She was a bad mother. Anse is an equally bad father. Vardaman and Darl are nuts, Jewel is violent, Dewey Dell is about as chaste as Britney Spears, and Cash enjoys building coffins. This is a Norman Rockwell painting on heroin.1204083357

I have to agree--Addie didn't seem to have much merit as a mother. John said that she complemented her dysfunctional family but couldn't their dysfunction be largely due to Addie's lack of parenting skills? Maybe if she had wanted to have a family or shown them the love they probably needed from their mother, they all would have been different. I believe that nurture probably had a lot to do with the characters of Addie's children; it can't all be blamed on Addie, Anse is responsible too, but if they had maybe realized that they had different priorities, their children wouldn't have turned out as crazy as they did. She was more of a burden to them than an asset, even after she was gone she was a burden on them. She was not open to the idea of a family and so she closed herself off from them, like she was ignoring her mistakes but in that, making even more. Putting her heart into her mothering would probably have led to a completley differnt situation between her and her family. Maybe they would have actually cared about honoring her dying wish, not just about their own selfish needs. 1204156061

It is difficult for me to judge whether Addie was a good mother or not because my judment would be based upon the short chapter that she had in the novel. This chapter portrayed her as a bad mother, whereas she used her children as "bargaining chips", she didn't show equal love towards them, she didn't even treat them all respectfully, she wasn't a good mother. Necessairly. I feel like there is so much more. My other reason for not wanting to call her an awful mother is the love her children showed to her. They did so many things just for her, and heroic things. I mean Jewel is just one example but giving up the horse, Cash building that coffin (building your mother's coffin cannot be an easy project for any son...), and so much more. If I had a terrible mother, I sure would not go that far out of my way to ensure her proper death and burial. Why would they do so much for her? I think it is a relection of what she did to them. I think that in her chapter, she was writing more towards Anse. And I think that she was a good mother towards her children in some way or another. Again, this is all speculation. But why else would all of them do such drastic things for their mother if she was bad to them?1204162002

NO I don't think she is was at all. Any mother that thinks her kids are a violation of her loneliness and resent their father for having made her have them really can't be a good mother. She almost seems inhumane to go the complete opposite direction of the instinct of motherly love. Although, there is an exception in Jewel, because she really does seem to love him. But even then, is it all just a sick little revenge plot against Anse? I hope not, but this dark of a book has me thinking of almost all of the character's in the most pessimistic ways. I automatically assume that they don't care about anyone else but themselves. Addie may have had the shell of a good mother, going through the motions, but no good mother would say the things said in Addie's chapter of the book.1204165087

Right, mothers get angry and go through tough times with their children, but Addie was giving the summary of what happened. If there were good times and if there was any real love there, she would have made the overall story positive. We hear mothers stating all the time about how being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to them and how their child is a gift. But this isn't even remotely close to how Addie mentions her own. Perhaps it was the type of person she was, because even when she met Anse she seemed kind of cold and detached, but then, we actually do see her show affection toward Jewel. And what about Cash? Someone noted how Cash was her first-born, so she liked him as well...do you agree? All in all, though, if she were a good mother her children would have displayed more emotion towards her and her death. 1204171373

Oh, Addie was definitely an awful mother. No matter what hard times she might have gone through, if she was any bit of a good mother, she wouldn't have referred to her children the way she did in her chapter of the book! And she wouldn't so blatantly favor Jewel over the others. She is very cold and unloving to her children. Someone mentioned Vardaman: this is something I noticed as well. Vardaman is never really SAD, per say, about his mother's death. He is more confused than anything, and that is probably because he just has never witnessed death before. He is a young boy! Of course witnessing the death of anybody would affect him, but especially his mother, because whether she was a good mother or not, her child would have an attachment to her in some way. 1204180442

Well, I think we're to understand a couple things, and only guess to the rest. Um, I think she sort of retreated from the rest of the family after she had Cash and later Darl. She was used to her own time and aloneness, and actually having kids broke that for her, and so she retreated and became sort, i dunno, spitefull? towards everyone, which caused a lot of family tension. so where there's tension and selfishness like that, I guess you could say BAD parenting there. Jewel and stuff are a case apart, though. I mean, she would speak of Jewel as almost her god, and while that's really twisted and perverse, it's a sure sign that she really loved and cared for him, although I have doubts that she was being a good parent and raising him properly, even as she was loving and caring for him all the same. The rest of the children were utterly confused and their fish issues, and pregnancies sorta give me the idea that they needed more of a motherly presence in their lives. But the fact is, despite how she acted, she still had some love in her for them all, and so I think that their own reactions to her death were sort of selfish themselves, and that's what the book points to, I think. Bad mother, yes, but still a person. 1204253379

Mmi, I don't really think you can say that Addie was an "awful mother." Obviously she wasn't a mother who outwardly showed signs of love to her children, but I think that is because she didn't really know how to love. Yes she did favor Jewel, but how would you feel if you were the bastard child, the one child that truly didn't belong to the family? Thus, by favoring Jewel I think she was trying to repent for her sin of having an affair. I mean when Jewel was "sick" with sleeping she tried extremely hard to either do his chores or pay others to so that Anse didn't get angry with Jewel; I think that totally shows she cares. I mean I wouldn't want Addie as my mother, but parents weren't as loving and supportive then as they are now so I don't think we can compare them to our standards. 1204253534

No, we can all say that Addie was an awful mother. You said that she didn't know how to love. Everybody knows how to love. Its called natural law, which tells us that our purpose is to live in order to spread love and immerse ourselves in love. Addie suppressed this. She knew how to love, but she would rather hate. Furthermore, favoring Jewel is not a way of repenting for her sins. First of all, favoring one child over the rest is a sin. And secondly, as Cora Tull told us, she didn't believe in God. If you don't believe in God, why would you need to repent?

Addie's finer mothering skills include -having an affair with the minister -favoring one child over the rest -not caring for her family -being conceited and only preparing for death -marrying someone she hates -being an atheist -hating all her family except one member -treating her children as objects and liabilities.

I fail to see the silver lining. She was an awful mother. Period. End of story.1204387818